If you don’t know me and haven’t read the About Us section of the website, here is a bit about me.
I’m an Assistant District Attorney, a prosecutor, who deals with a variety of cases including those involving child sexual abuse. I bet many of you either physically flinched or mentally did when you read that phrase “child sexual abuse”.
Your reaction isn’t wrong, it’s a subject that many of us flinch away from. We don’t like it. We don’t like talking about it. We don’t like the uncomfortable feeling it gives us. I feel you! I truly do but, tough, I’m talking about it because it deserves attention. Ignoring it will not make it go away.
Plus, I’m telling you this, so you know that I understand what it is like to see all the negative and bad in the world so when you hear me say “focus on the good!” you aren’t thinking “What does she know? Her world is probably all sunshine and rainbow so that’s easy to say.” or something similar but you get the idea.
I see a lot of the dark in the world on daily basis (There are also the cases the involve watching a video of the abuse…want to talk about seeing the dark in the world….)
These cases get attention at the beginning, maybe because a news story, you think “Oh, that’s terrible.” Then move on with the day never giving it another thought. Maybe the case got attention when a “lenient” deal is given. People get outraged because the prosecutors or Judge “failed”; never stopping to think about what it takes to get the conviction. Do you want to force a child, a CHILD, who’s already told their story multiple times at this point, to get up on the stand, in front of a room full of people including the abuser, and tell exactly where, how, and with what they were touched? In GRAPHIC detail? While they cry? Do YOU want to get up in front of a room full of people and describe your last sexual encounter in graphic detail with everyone while everything you say is being recorded? OH, and the other side essentially calling you a liar? They don’t always either.
I experience a range of emotions every time I have to handle one of these cases:
Rage: It’s way beyond anger. At the abuser, at the system, at forcing my victim to testify or giving a better deal. Sadness: That these children had to experience this. Repulsed: That “people” could/want to do this. Empathy: For the victims’ plight. Pride: These kids are the strongest people I know. To get up and testify…Proud. Frustration: That these cases fail to draw attention and the public outrage they deserve. Anxiety: I do not want to fail these kids. These cases and their emotions, especially on hearing day, drain me. Somedays afterwards, it’s hard to not just be angry, bitter, and hate the world; taking out those feeling on. anyone else I come in contact. (Which, for the record, doesn't make you a very likable person.)
However, I choose to focus on the good.
You may be like, “What good is there is THAT!?” You’re right, there is NO good in what happened to that child BUT there is good in that:
The child stood up for themselves and told their story.
There is justice being sought; the defendant is seeing consequences.
There is healing being done for the children.
I get to be a part of fighting for that child.
There are good people helping this child survivor: therapists, teachers, friends, our office, law enforcement, and other resources.
I make a difference. I mattered in that child’s life.
You see, your perspective is what you make it.
The world is full of bad, it is, there is no sugar coating that fact, but it is also so full of good.
Kellis made a reel yesterday that was right on point: A girl stated that there are so many shitty people in the world but Kellis retorted with if we focus of what we are grateful for and what is good, we also see all the good people.
What you look for you find.
Take it from me, it is better to look at the good. Life is a lot brighter.
Ashley
P.S. - This is also why I encourage exercise and movement as part of you daily activities. It is a better outlet than turning to food or alcohol for "comfort"; don't underestimate the power of movement.
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