I’ve been in funk lately. I’ve been out of routine. I’ve let certain aspects of my life and businesses slack.
With the year being half over, I’ve done some revisiting of my goals. Ya’ll, I’ll be honest, I’m not on track and straight up fail at several of them.
I had to take a hard look at myself, my choices, and my mindset. The truth is, I’m NOT where I want to be. I’m NOT doing what I need to do. I’m AM doubting the shit out of myself.
As I stared at my word of year (Discipline), I realized that while it is something I need to be better at this year, it is not the defining word I need for this year. As I think back to the books, I’ve read this year and the even the current I’m reading now, the resounding theme is “Believe” and “Action”.
My current book, You are a Bad** by Jen Sincero, sort of, well not sort of but was straight up a proverbial slap in the face. I needed one.
“If you get very clear about what you truly want (rather than what you think you should want), believe that it’s available to you regardless of your present circumstances…and take decisive action, you will eventually succeed.”
Believe AND Action.
The problem is...
We have years and years of unconscious beliefs that are driving our actions and choices.
These beliefs are the ones that we let limits us, keep us playing small, keep us not living the life we dream, keep us in our known, our comfort zone. As Jen puts it “This is the garbage stuff that was stuffed into your subconscious…the decisions you’ve made about yourself that are less-than flattering or empowering.”
It's the voice that says “I’m not good at x,y,z.” “I could never do that” and all sorts of similar bullshit.
We’ve spent a lifetime creating our current reality and supporting those beliefs by our own words and actions; they have years of reinforcement.
So when we try to change and grow, leaving behind our old selves, our old selves fight back.
Jen uses the example of an alcohol or drug addict detoxing. While I’ve never personally experienced anything like that, (beside the very minor in comparison caffeine withdraw), the process is NOT an easy one and substances fight back, HARD.
When we try to ourselves of those limiting beliefs “it’s a detox of such staggering proportions that sometimes it can feel like The Universe is conspiring against us” and all sort of things sometimes feel like it is blowing up in our faces.
We can say things like “See! It wasn’t suppose to happen” or “this is why I don’t try” but reality is that it is our old selves winning when we stop fighting and give in to those thoughts.
I love how James Clear expresses it Atomic Habits, “The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us. The task of building a good habit is like cultivating a delicate flower one day at time.”
He explains that we spent year developing our identity as x,y, or z. Our actions have reinforced that identity so trying to create new habits is harder when we keep believing that we are x,y, or z because that identity keep winning.
BUT there is good news because “every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become” and while “no single instant will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”
Truth is growth is hard but what is harder… staying the same or pushing past the suck to be who you want to be and live the life you dream?
It might feel like I went off down the rabbit hole from the beginning of this but…
I realized my funk came from my old self weaseling it way back in with all those false truths and winning the battle.
I wasn’t believing I could have the life I dream or be the person I desire so my actions were becoming votes for the old version.
If you ever feel you’re in the same situation, or even if you are just getting started on new growth journey (yeah you for being here and reading this!), shake off the slip-ups or fall backs, and don’t quit.
As James Clear states “the difference a tiny improvement can make over time is astounding. Here's how the math works out: if you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you'll end up thirty- seven times better by the time you're done. Conversely, if you get 1 percent worse each day for one year, you'll decline nearly down to zero.”
So even if it feels small, DO SOMETHING that moves you in the right direction.
You aren’t alone. This is my small thing. My old self will NOT win this battle.
Will yours?
Ashley
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