I am single.
I have chosen to be on a dating sabbatical until June 2022. I decided the person I need to make the priority and fully fall in love with is me.
As an extrovert, this has been a challenge. It forces me to rely on my own company and sit with my own thoughts. THERE ARE A LOT OF THOUGHTS.
In the beginning, there was a lot of negative self-talk. I was going through a VERY difficult divorce.
This negative self-talk turned into anger and frustration. I was angry that someone I loved would do something so awful to destroy someone they once loved. This brings me to egos.
Ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
Think back on the pain and frustration you have caused others or that others have caused you. How much of that was because of your or their ego?
Through the help of a very talented therapist (Sandy Sabbioni), I have realized how much our ego comes into play and life has become so much more clear.
In my early dating years, when someone walked away from me it was because it wasn’t the right fit or the right time. My ego told me otherwise. I didn’t have the self-esteem to realize it had NOTHING to do with my value as a person.
Now I realize when someone does something to intentionally hurt me, it isn’t about me but about their ego. Their self-esteem was so low they had to cause me pain because of their internal pain. Their self-importance was so miniscule they had manipulate and convince others to seek validation that they were “good enough” or to boost their ego.
As time progressed, I have become aware of my ego, the role it plays in my daily life, and I can put my ego in check.
When I am upset, or at times even happy, I feel the feelings, take a breath, and move on.
With the negative, I do my best not to respond when a response is not necessary. Sometimes I still do, but hey, I’m a work in progress. I do my best to take my ego out of the equation.
I look back at every past relationship I have had (friend or romantic). I loved those people. I love those experiences with them, good or bad, because it shaped me into the person I am today. I fully love me and I wouldn’t be me without those experiences.
To me, loving someone is wanting love and happiness for another whether it is with you or not. This has made me a happier person. I don’t get caught up in the drama or the negative emotions which are really just my ego. I feel the feelings, take a step back and say, “I wish them love and happiness.” This has led to a more productive life filled with love and happiness for myself.
Hopefully it will help you do the same.
Kaimee
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