So, welcome to the world of the overthinker.
Ashley has received SOOOOO many calls from me venting, trying to figure something out. Looking for some reasoning behind why someone would act some way.
She always has two answers.
Answer #1: (which actually came from my lawyer, Kara Rose Didier), “Show others grace. Not everyone functions at your level.”. Ashley then explains that I am a ride or die; very loyal and would never do anything (purposefully) to hurt another person. But "You've got to stop expecting YOU from others." My desire to expect the same from others is unrealistic, because most don’t. Most people will do what they can to put themselves in a better position (financially, socially, power, etc.) and I cannot expect others to act how I would.
Answer #2: “People are assholes.” They act in a way that doesn’t fit into the patterns of my life so I don’t understand it. It is something I would never do and, therefore, will never understand why they did it. Let go and realize they are assholes.
I overthink and keep trying to understand because I can’t imagine doing something to purposefully hurt another. This culminates into two circumstances: confrontations of me telling the other what they did and why they are no longer in my life, or we simply go our separate ways.
What I have learned is to stop concerning myself with others behaviors. Their choices are their choices. I communicate my needs, letting others know what I want and what I expect. If they can’t accept that, I have the choice whether to tolerate the behavior or to walk away.
That’s a boundary and a great thing to learn. People can only continue to cause you pain if you allow them to. Most of the time, their continuing to cross the boundary is about the other person, not about me. That is for them to figure out without me in their way. When they are ready to accept my boundaries, I’ll be right here.
On the same note, I am sure there are plenty of people I have wronged or have walked all over their boundaries. When I realize this, I do my best to apologize and change my behaviors when appropriate.
This leads me to the AMAZING Faith G. Harper book, “Unf*ck your Boundaries”. This book explains what boundaries are, how to communicate those boundaries, when they should be firm or permeable, and what to do when boundaries are not respected. READ IT!!!!
For all you overthinkers out there, this book gave me the sciency stuff I needed so I could make sense of what I was feeling.
Once I knew what I was feeling, I was able to communicate those feelings in an appropriate manner and say what I needed (the boundary). If it wasn’t respected, I could then walk away or decide to change the boundary KNOWING I had appropriately communicated my needs.
The reality is that since reading this book, it has made it so easy to establish boundaries. Life has become so effortless with very little drama.
This book and understand boundaries also helped me understand that others were not trying to control me. They were simply setting their boundary.
Relationships have become better.
I now know what to expect from others and they know what to expect from me.
So, you, the over-thinker, read the book and do the book. It will get rid of the unnecessary drama so you can focus on what actually matters in life: Being a LIFERS!
Kaimee
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